Posted by: youluckybum | April 17, 2010

Accept or Change?

A recent question that seems to keep reoccuring in my life is that of change versus acceptance.  Do I accept people for who they are or do I try and change them into something that pleases me?  The answer is not really pretty.  I see that most confrontations really are about me trying to change someone else.  Or maybe them trying to change me.  Either way, it is ultimately not really very satisfying.  Why?  Because either way someone doesn’t get to be who they are, or who they choose to be. 

By asking or demanding or manipulating someone else to change for my happiness, or well being, I am basically saying that I can’t be happy without someone else.  That is somewhat ridiculous and very complicated.  Happiness is really an inside job and to make my happiness dependent on what someone else does or doesn’t do is childish and fairly victimizing.

This all makes complete sense intellectually, but when I get down to the daily brass tacks of my life, I see that this is totally what goes on.  I am also not alone in this.  How many times have you done something because someone else wanted you to? Maybe you never even stopped to think about whether you wanted to or not. (I have done this one ALOT!) So the question remains, do we accept or do we try to change each other.  I am not talking about the little stuff here.  Whether you empty the garbage because you have been asked or not is not the issue.  What is the issue?  Do I try and change, manipulate or control people to make me feel better?  How about you? Comments please!


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