Posted by: youluckybum | May 26, 2010

How do I get rid of my anger?

Intellectually and from experience I know that I am angry with someone for only one reason.  They are not doing what I think they should do.  It is alarmingly simple really. I can rant and rave and scream and shout and say every bad word I know.  I can cry, I can throw things and I can pound my fists, but the fact is I can not make someone do something they don’t want to do.  Not even my kids.  (Especially my kids, but that’s another blog!)

The true anger comes in I think when I realize I have no control.  The powerlessness of that infuriates me.  The fact that someone else has control over my happiness, my well-being, my peace, my day, my self-worth, my life is absolutely maddening to me.  The realization that someone else can do something that hurts me and I have no control over it is very defeating, depressing and demoralizing.

Which brings me to my original question?  What do I do about the anger I have towards someone that has and continues to do things that hurt me?  I am very aware of the fact that I have to let go of the anger not for someone else, but for me.  And I know that I need to “forgive” someone for their actions against me or to me.  That again is another blog.  Right now, I just want to have a way to release, let go and dissipate the feelings of contempt, rage, revenge and pain that I am feeling.

I don’t want to eat it away, or drink it away or medicate it away.  I just want it to go away.  And yet I am very aware that when I find a way to release this kind of negative emotion, I will be on to something; something big.  Because when I find a way to let go of so much contempt, so much pain, shock, hurt and anger, I will be free.  No one will ever hurt me to this degree again.  Because I am finding myself in all of this.  I lost myself years ago, and now in the ashes I am beginning to find out who I am and what I want and what makes me tick.  In doing so, I will never be so soft, so easy, so patient.  Not with my self or anyone else.

The question still remains: what to do with the anger I am feeling, holding, or growing inside of me.  Does it magically relax and go away on its’ own?  I doubt it.  Do I have to feel it out in some way?  I doubt that too.  No, I think most of my anger is really moving towards myself.  Why did I put up with all this for so long?  The answer is easy; fear.  I was too afraid to make a change.  Too afraid to make waves.  Too locked in to what was instead of what could be.

So the anger is in fact good for me.  It is giving me direction, strength and purpose.  Never again!


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