Posted by: youluckybum | July 2, 2010

The Power of my thoughts


I am beginning to feel the connection between my thoughts and my feelings.  I am successfully moving my thoughts away from things that make my stomach hurt and on to things that make me feel better. This is important because I never really understood that our thoughts created our feelings.  I basically thought the opposite.  I thought a feeling came first and then a thought.  That just seemed to me to be the way I was wired.

Tonight I began to get pretty irritated when I started thinking about my ex.  I was poised to send a biting email to him.  Pretty soon my heart was pounding and my thoughts were racing.  But I stopped.  I realized I was creating the tension and the negativity in my body; not him.  And I discarded the email and basically thought to myself,  “f___k it!”   Why go there?  It won’t help anything.  He isn’t going to change because I got mad.  (fat chance-been trying that one for way too long!)  If anything, it would only make matters worse.  The more I fed my anger, resentment, grief, rage and frustration, the more I would feel it and undoubtedly bring more of it to myself.

No, I realized it wasn’t serving me.  Most negative thoughts don’t.  In fact, why go there?  And why do we go there?  What has ever changed by getting mad, really?  Sure, as a Mom my role allowed me to get mad and make the kids do some things I wanted.  But that was far from satisfying.  In fact, most of the time it just made me feel bad.  So why do I ever really allow myself to get angry and ugly?  It just doesn’t really help anything.  It oftentimes makes things worse.

Does this mean that we should never get mad, or ignore our feelings?  Of course not.  What it means for me is that I really do have a choice.  Every time I feel bad and I recognize my negative feelings, I have a choice to feed those thoughts, or not.  By feeding them a negative thought starts to take on a whole new persona.  Pretty soon I am ready to blast the offense or offender.  But maybe there is a better way.  Maybe I can realize that my thoughts have created these feelings and that I can go back and examine the thoughts before I move into deeper despair, anger, and/or frustration.

Or better yet, move away from the negative thoughts….at least for the moment.  Later, I can always return or revisit my thoughts.  But I know myself well enough to understand that if I am tired, frustrated or stressed out, I am not going to be in the right frame of mind to really deal with anything major in a win-win sort of way anyway.  Maybe that is the most powerful thought of all.  To realize there is a time and place for all things, and sometimes you have to know when to fold, postpone or move away.

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