Posted by: youluckybum | December 4, 2010

What’s Really Important

With Thanksgiving over, the kitchen back to normal (almost) and the Christmas Tree already soaking in a bucket of water in the garage, I am really trying to take this time of year one day at a time.  This will be our first Christmas together without the father/husband figure with us.  How do you compensate for that?  As the soon-to-be ex-wife I have my own wounds about the whole thing.  How my two grown children see it is a completely different matter.  This man who I now realize was never the man I thought he was, is still my children’s  father.  They have a connection to him that is very different from mine, and they always will.  Some of their own mental health and psyche depend on them moving not away from this man, but towards him.  They will always want his approval and they will hopefully always have a connection to him.  Not so for me.

So our needs on this subject are very different.  My tendency is to be very grateful he is not in the state and I pretty much hope I never see the man again.  This is of course, not the way the kids view it.  Nor do I want them to.  I do want the three of us to move on and start some new traditions,  create some new memories and have a wonderful Christmas that doesn’t feel like something or someone is missing.

Luckily, we have dear family friends coming for Christmas Day which will help this a lot.  Christmas Eve will definitely be different because we have changed the focus from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day this year. So, in reality it all is going to be different from a logistics standpoint.  Ultimately, we just have to decide to move on and do the best we can.

In retrospect, all those years of having someone physically present, but emotionally unavailable makes this Christmas easier for me in the long run.  This may also be true for the kids as well.  Who knows? We will be together and I am looking forward to new traditions and memories.  That’s what is really important!



  1. Very interesting post.
    It reminds me of a woman I met on vacation during Christmas a couple of years ago with her two almost-grown sons. She was recently divorced and it was her first Christmas alone with her sons. She was at a bit of loss as what to do, so at the last minute she booked a vacation with them. She said she had never done that before with them and had never been away for Christmas. They all had a wonderful time.
    I hope you and yours have a wonderful year creating new traditions, new memories and trying things you’ve never done before.

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