Giving to myself, what I always wanted from others

Recently I have had some major ah-ha moments regarding my own happiness.  I have been catching myself thinking conditional thoughts about my own happiness.  Thoughts such as, “If he would just do ____, my life would be so much easier.”  Or, “when I lose this extra 20 lbs, then I can finally be happy.”  I realize I have done this my whole life.  I have actually people-pleased my whole life.  So, if my boss was happy, my husband, my father-in-law, my children, etc. then I would or could be happy.

Needless-to-say, this has not led to much joy in my own life.  Valuing myself through someone else’s eyes is exhausting.  It is impossible to keep all the people in my life happy at the same time.  So, the  people-pleaser in me ran around like a crazy person trying to keep everyone in my world happy.

Now I am trying to unplug from those old habits and just please me.  Sometimes that is fairly easy and simple, and sometimes I have no clue what I really want or what would make me happy.  I think I am beginning to believe more and more in the idea that we are all about as happy as we make up our minds to be.  No one person, place or thing can truly be the key to my own happiness.  I understand that the pursuit is truly an inside job.

I think the biggest gift for me  lately has been the realization that only I hold the key to my own joy and happiness, AND therefore, I am also not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.  Jumping through someone else’s hoops is an old habit.  One I am breaking more and more every day, and that feels good.